The work of planning, organising, remembering and anticipating household responsibilities falls disproportionately on women, particularly mothers, according to research and interviews cited by BBC News.

Known as the “mental load”, this often-invisible work includes remembering school trips, monitoring parents’ WhatsApp groups, arranging medical appointments, noticing what needs cleaning and keeping track of household supplies.

A study involving 3,000 US parents by academics at the University of Bath and the University of Melbourne found that mothers handled 71% of household tasks requiring mental effort. Fathers were more likely to handle “episodic” tasks, such as remembering when the car needed servicing.

The pressure of being the default parent

Mothers interviewed by BBC News described being treated as the default parent for school communications and administration. Sophia, a mother of three in Portsmouth, said she paid for school trips and placed lunch orders through her children’s school app, while her husband had never downloaded it.

She said tasks that appeared quick still required planning and anticipation. “I have to plan for the task, I have to anticipate the task, I have to be 10 steps ahead all the time,” she said.

Sam Berry, a deputy headteacher and father of two in London, said he initially struggled to understand the concept after his eldest child was born. He said asking his wife what he could do to help still left her responsible for identifying and organising the work.

The issue is not only completing a task, he later recognised, but managing the work around it — such as checking what food is available, planning a meal and doing the shopping.

Clinical psychologist Natasha Wallace said the pressure often came from “hundreds of tiny demands” rather than one major source of stress. She said persistent cognitive demands can contribute to poor sleep, irritability and decision fatigue.

Why the imbalance persists

Several women told BBC News that the disparity began during maternity leave. Wallace said women often become the “default parent” because they typically take longer leave than fathers, who can take up to two weeks of statutory paternity leave in the UK. Mothers can take up to 52 weeks of statutory maternity leave, 39 of which can be paid, while shared parental leave is also available.

Traditional expectations can reinforce the pattern. Anita Cleare, author of The Work/Parent Switch, said research had found that when men earned more, they did less physical and cognitive household labour. When women’s earnings increased, they did less physical housework but continued to perform the same amount of cognitive labour.

Cleare said reducing the domestic and mental load could create more capacity for women at work. She also said workplaces could help by supporting fathers who take parental leave, setting clear expectations about when employees can be contacted and supporting career conversations with women.

How couples can share the load

Experts and parents cited by BBC News suggested several ways to make the division of responsibility more equal:

- Talk clearly about how the mental load affects each partner, choosing a calm time rather than raising the issue during an argument. - Identify tasks that can be dropped or simplified, such as unnecessary social arrangements or non-essential group messages. - Use a shared calendar for birthdays, school meetings and other commitments. - Hold regular check-ins, whether daily, weekly or seasonally. - Take full ownership of tasks from start to finish without waiting to be reminded. - Divide responsibilities into categories. One partner might take responsibility for all school administration, while the other manages food and meals.

Sam Berry said equality did not necessarily mean dividing every task exactly 50/50. Couples might have different working hours or preferences, he said, but both partners should have meaningful responsibility.

Parents also said the partner taking on a task may do it differently, and that this may not always go smoothly. The key, they suggested, is for responsibility to be transferred fully rather than leaving one person to continue monitoring the work.

Cleare warned against treating better organisation as the entire solution. She said parents should focus on connection with their children rather than trying to meet every domestic expectation.